Been a minute. Sorry fam.
Work has been crazy busy with the end of the year and all. Also, I've been learning a lot about myself lately, like past relationships and other emotional baggage that I didn't fully make peace with but now that I'm in a good place, I've had to deal with. And, while I guess I could've written blog posts about all that, complete transparency out here on the web is a little scary and vulnerable and all that so.... yup. There you have it. Just know that I am doing well, I'm staying busy, and I'm always trying to grow into a person my Savior would be proud of (but, of course, sometimes I fall short). It's a continual process but I'm feeling good these days. Also-also, I just suck at this whole blog thing, but... thank goodness for New Year's resolutions, right?!
Anyway, I’m taking an opportunity to reflect here on how I’ve changed since moving to Korea.
This actually came up a few nights ago while having drinks at a cafe near PNU. A friend and I got to talking about our experiences thus far living in South Korea. It started as commiserating over banking. Not like money and finances, but the process and “how-to” of using funds. I know I’ve commented on this before, along the lines of, “Yeah, back home it is SO EASY to just buy something online. Here, you have to jump through a million hoops and sell your first-born.”
Moving to another country is hard, but not for any obvious, tellable reasons. It’s hard in the everyday things we take for granted. Like online banking in a language you understand. Like the process of entering a 4-digit pin and confirming you’re not a robot as opposed to applying for a certificate in-person at the bank, to verify you are who you say you are, being given a password, downloading a randomized onscreen keyboard on each device you use, an initial authentication process for each device which includes confirming your mobile number to then be texted an extension to call where you then verbally confirm the authentication code you were sent so then you can finally type in the password you were assigned with your certification... πͺ Maybe US banks just don’t take security seriously or something. Maybe the process seemed longer because I sat on the phone with a very kind Korean-speaking friend for 3+ hours just to hit that “confirm purchase” button at the end of shopping online for something that felt rather trivial by the end of the whole process. And that’s my experience without any glitches. μμ΄κ΅¬…
Other examples of everyday struggles that come to mind include doing laundry, trying to follow directions on packaging, oh and shopping! Wow it sure is strange not knowing any brands or preferred stores. These are all things I thought about before coming here but it’s different actually experiencing it. Shopping is a huge one. There are times when I think it would be nice to make something (food or crafts) or like when I needed a winter jacket but it’s not as easy to just do these things when you’re unfamiliar with what are considered “standard” or quality materials here. Back home I know what brands or materials to look for if I want to make pudding, or decorate a corkboard, or organize space in my apartment. I couldn’t find instant pudding mix at the stores in my area and then when I decided to try making it from scratch, well, all the baking ingredients are English terms that don’t translate well into Korean. And the baking section at my main grocery store is filled with strange things I don’t recognize. Also, sweets are kind of different here. I’m not sure how to explain it, maybe not as much processed sugar? Like, sweets here are much subtler or milder than sweets back home (like red bean and bread instead of rich creams, chocolates, and straight sugar). Similarly, when I was shopping for a jacket, I had no idea about common department stores or their quality. Those are all things you learn through culturalization. Also, brand and store quality is so subjective and dependent on a person’s income or preference, so when asking coworkers and friends I had to weigh all of that, too.
Please don’t get me wrong - I love the adventure of all of this! I really do! But after touching on this topic with my friend the other night, I realized some things. People always ask like, “How are you doing? How are things going in Korea?” but there’s not really a concise way to explain all those little, everyday things that you don’t even realize use up so much of your time and energy. Like, I think I really don’t do much here. I come home from work most days and sit in my apartment with time to just be. But then I wonder in those moments why I feel like I’m decompressing or just taking these moments to rejuvenate? I think it’s because each of these insignificant, everyday experiences of living make up culture shock. Culture shock is indeed a process, not an isolated experience. It’s compound. And it’s hard, but not in readily apparent ways.
Wow. Okay, so that was kind of a tangent, but at the same time I think it provides context so we’re gonna leave that as is.
So, while talking to my friend, we both agreed, “Oh yeah, I’ve definitely changed a lot since living in Korea.” I’m not sure if others would say the same of me just seeing or briefly talking to me (but I’m interested if any of you have seen a change in me - I often ask Rach and Kat if I talk different π ). Some of it has to do with just these everyday things that I took for granted that change my perspective. In other ways, I think the way I approach each day is a little different, too. I feel like I have learned so much just through my daily to random interactions with people. Also, I think I’m learning more confidently what I truly want in life.
1. Expanding Worldview
I thought I was pretty open-minded, with a broad worldview before but - wow - living in another country and culture makes you realize how everything you thought was the “normal” way of society doing things is just ONE way of doing things (neither right nor wrong, better or worse) and it makes you realize how trivial some concerns are or, on the flip side, how social issues in one cultural context, though very important in that culture, seem to have absolutely no bearing on another cultural context. From work to social processes to church, I can't really explain it other than an awareness of my worldview expanding, I guess? Like the realization of how very small you are in this big huge world of ours and not to sweat the small stuff.
2. More Easy-Going
That being said, I think I am a much more easy-going individual. Actually, I think over the last few years I've become a more easy-going person just because it makes life easier. The only thing you can truly control is yourself - your attitude and the way you respond to the things you can't control. This might have been something I thought of before but I think it's really something I've come to consciously practice living abroad. I think this has primarily manifest itself in the motto I've jokingly adopted here: ADVENTURE! Actually, I kind of feel like Bob Ross, “We don't make mistakes, just happy little accidents unexpected adventures." I seriously feel like anything and everything is a learning opportunity. Furthermore, why stress when you can enjoy the journey?
3. More Courage
A challenge I didn't expect to be quite so... well, challenging, is not being able to just randomly communicate with others. I'm pretty sure I talked about this here. Something I decided with the New Year was to be more outgoing despite language barriers. I might not know a lot of Korean, but I sure use the crap out of the phrases I do know. I think instead of shying away from my proclivity for talking to people (a proclivity I inherited from my mom and grandma), I'm striving to embrace it. I've been taking Korean language classes once a week and I think that helps me feel a little more confident. I think (and hope) my courage to reach out to others is waxing here in Korea.
4. Where "My Person" at?!
And lastly, a big way I've changed since living in Korea is actually wanting a relationship. It's been a long time since I recall actually wanting a serious relationship.
Perhaps because I'm finally in a place where I'm reevaluating and making new long-term goals, having accomplished previous ones (university degree, career experience, travel). Perhaps because Korean culture seems to place relationships pretty high on the priority list of having your life figured out (expect within the first three questions you're asked by a Korean to include, "Married? Boyfriend?" π ). Perhaps because it gets kind of lonely living alone in a foreign country. Perhaps because my faith places high importance on marriage and family.
Whatever it may be, I find the idea of finding "the one" and (eventually) having a family pretty appealing.
So what am I doing about it? Not much π leave it to me to realize I want a man in my life after moving to a place where my options significantly decrease! I say that because: (1) faith is important to me and South Korea is not really a Christian country; (2) I don't speak Korean, people are way shy about speaking English, and other foreigners (English-speaking) are realistically a very small percentage of the population here; (3) back home interracial relationships are fairly common (it's not something I think twice about) but it's definitely still uncommon here. Oh and lastly I'm just not ready to embrace the whole online/app dating thing π€·π»♀️ So, for now, I'll just keep working on being my outgoing self and getting comfortable with admitting that I want a serious relationship. I'm learning that I don't like being vulnerable (ok, who does?) and admitting I want my own "person" sounds kinda needy and vulnerable because, well, you know, "Ima strong independent woman that don't need no man." But... it'd sure be nice. π
μλ !
Bekah
